I’m a tad Christmas Crazy, I always have been.
But when you’ve lost a loved one, Christmas can be anything but merry!
It’s easy to think you’ll never enjoy Christmas again, how could you, considering many of the traditions you’ve enjoyed for so long now feel like heavy burdens?
Some of those traditions are now gone and some have changed, but I’ll be forever thankful for every Christmas tradition we had before my Mam passed.
Christmas was always an especially magical time in our house, due to my Mam and Dad going to every effort to make it so.
2016 will be our fifth Christmas without her, but slowly as the years have gone by my Christmas spirit is making its way back.
But Of course its still Exceptionally Hard. The first sighting of a Christmas ad makes me sob, and the starting line of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” still gives me that sinking feeling (Don’t even get me started on that Christmas Shoes song!).
But I still try to enjoy Christmas for what it is.
The best advice I’ve ever received was; “Cry when you want to cry”.
So when we arrive to my dad’s house at 7.30am on Christmas Morning, in ours PJ’s. I don’t hide the sadness that hits me like a ton of bricks, I give myself a few minutes alone to be upset and then I return to everyone and see what Santa has left us!
I may need several of those moments over the Christmas period, I’ve had many already. And I’ll take them as they come. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel sad and deal with emotion, how can we even try to move on?
Of course with all of the laughing, and merriment comes my arch enemy…..guilt!!! You can hear that little voice telling you things like; “I shouldn’t be enjoying myself without them”
If I had one Euro for every time I had this thought over the past few years, I certainly wouldn’t be having so much car trouble!
The truth is however, we have nothing to feel guilty about. Life as hard as it may be goes on, and we deserve to live that life to the best of our ability!
One thing you learn when you lose someone, especially well before their time is, that life is far too short for unnecessary guilt!
So sing when you can, dance when you feel like it, allow yourself to cry and From my Family to your’s…………..