I will start by saying that yes, I would deem myself “lucky” that I have a very active and hands on husband.
But I hate that this is referred to as lucky!!!
When we bought our house (9 years ago this year, oh my god) we bought it collectively and equally as a couple… Two adults signed the dotted line!!!
Therefore, housework & cooking etc can be done by both people equally. Stephen is well able to clean and cook, just as well as me.
But why is it such a huge deal if he does? “Oh, aren’t you lucky how he helps around the house?” Sorry now. What??????? It’s his bloody house as well!! Meanwhile, when a woman does anything it’s just the norm and expected, as opposed to anything marvellous!!! I would say that, generally, everything in our house is equally shared, EXCEPT planning!!! I plan and organise everything.
It’s not because Stephen won’t, it’s just I’m better at it! He is better at clearing the shower drain, and lots of other things, so he does those things!!!!
Due to my pelvis issues, and the possibility of me causing further damage during pregnancy, I’m fairly immobile at the minute.
So, Stephen has to do an awful lot more than me. But let’s be fair, I’m growing a human, not having a 9-month spa break! He does it because it needs to be done, not to be hailed a hero!
He likes to live in a clean, tidy house, that’s the crux of the matter. But it’s becoming increasingly common for me to hear how grateful I should be that he is helping me!!!
Seriously lads, I’m pretty sure it took two of us to make this baby!!!
It frightens me that in 2017 women who are in a man/woman cohabiting situation and are raising children are still deemed to hold the sole responsibility!
Once Rebecca came on the scene this “lucky” business ramped up another notch! I actually remember going away for a hen before and having someone ask me “Who will have Rebecca while you’re away?” When I replied,
“Her Father” the response I got was, “Now isn’t he very good for taking her for you”. I swear I nearly got sick! This is the same when people refer to “babysitting” their own children!!
Looking after your own children is never babysitting. FULL STOP!!!
If Stephen was sick I would look after him and do everything I could to keep things ticking over. Would anyone come telling him how lucky he was? OF COURSE NOT.
Sure, it’s just to be expected!! I work part-time so pre-pregnancy I did a lot of the house work. But that’s only fair as he is in work outside of the house more than me.
So, it’s only natural that I would do more at home and do more for Rebecca.
It kind of sounds like I’m ranting a bit now and I suppose I am. I just don’t think anyone, male or female, should be told they are “lucky” in these instances.
I do feel that I am very lucky, of course, but this is because I married someone who respects me, supports me & makes me feel loved and secure, not because he hoovers or equally looks after OUR CHILD!!!
This isn’t by any means a big feminist style rant, but I do feel that, in this day and age, women and men should be seen as equals, especially when it comes to the raising of their children and in the upkeep of their own house!!!
I grew up in a house where my dad was always very hands on, even though he worked full time and my mam was at home with us. So maybe this is why I expected no less!
I hope now that Rebecca grows up and picks a partner who sees them both as equals!
Come find me ……..
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